Monday, December 10, 2012

Mr. Christmas Tree Pageant: Training Video, Flyer & Runway Script

Apologies on not sharing this sooner, been a busy last week. If you haven't held your Mr. Christmas Tree Pageant yet, here are a couple things we used that were big hits. 

Above is a poster we hung around the school. We also gave mini-flyer-versions of it to each senior guy and had them autograph their pic, pass them out, and invite folks to come out and vote for them.  

Here's the training video the guys made.  

Below is the runway script we read while our senior guys walked the aisle. Feel free to steal these ideas, tweak them, and make the script personal to your contestants. Hope it's helpful in sparking some hilarity.

Mr. Christmas Tree Runway Script

Now it’s that time you've all been waiting for, the chance to officially meet your contestants for the 2012 Northwest Young Life 3rd Annual Mr. Christmas Tree Pageant.

1. Zach Wiener
First down the runway is Zachary Paul Wiener. In addition to serving as Sr. Class President, Mr. Wiener was chosen for North Carolina All State Chorus, and even served as Patrol Leader for the 100th Anniversary National Boy Scout Jamboree. That’s right, Ladies and Gentlemen, you’re watching an actual Boy Scout Patrol Leader walk that aisle. But he’s not just a Bear Grylls wanna be, this boy scout is a tender heart.  For the past three years he’s volunteered at the Guilford County Animal Shelter and served weekly at the downtown Soup Kitchen.  Do you smell that?  That’s not axe body spray, that’s not the scent of Christmas tree pine, that’s the aroma of the ladies’ man, Zachary Paul Wiener.  Put your hands together and give him a warm applause.

2. Brian Thompson
We couldn’t find a runway big enough for Brian Thompson’s 512 horsepowered 5x4 2 wheel drive v-14 engine 6 wheeled truck, so Mr. Thompson decided he’d walk the aisle instead. Number 52, also known to many of you as ‘Daddy,’ is a man of esteemed reputation. He scored a perfect score on the SAT for Steppin’ And Twerkin’ and is also a member of the National Honor Society for Twerkers.  While watching him walk you might feel like you’re experiencing a seizure, don’t worry, that’s just Brian’s backside shakin the floooh.

3. Jacob Kiker
Put your hands together for Mr. Jacob Kiker, also know in the Twittersphere as Tha-Real-J-Kike. Note, that’s not the Fake-J-Kike, it's the real one. Mr. Kiker is also known as The Most Interesting Christmas Tree in the world. You may have seen other trees, like coat trees or hat trees or pine trees, and even pine tree air freshners, but you’ve never seen a tree this fresh. You’ve never seen a tree rock a bow tie like The Real J-Kike can. Ladies, if you’re thinking to yourself, ‘That’s one fine tree,” just realize, you’re not alone. Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Jacob Kiker.

4. Parker Scaggs
The runway just got a little safer as the Secretary Defense entered the room. It takes a real man to defend the end zone on a football field, but multiply that on the scale of defending an entire student body and you’ve found yourself Secretary Parker Scaggs.  His SAT scores are higher than your mom’s IQ. His class rank is the same as the number on the side of Dale Earnhardt Jrs. race car. Coincidence. I don’t think so. For fun Mr. Swaggs kills wild rodents who attack old ladies. He kills them with his right hand while petting kittens with his left. Do you have a mustache? I didn’t think so. But Swaggs does. Do you have a state championship in Lacrosse?  Nope, but you probably paid money to watch this guy win his ring. Do you work at a place where they pay you to jump up and down on bouncy things with little children? Prob not. But Swaggs does. He didn’t invent the word Christmas, but he did invent the word Swagger. Let’s show our appreciation to the man, the myth, the legend, Secretary Parker Scaggs.

5. Jake Boersma
Our next contestant comes to us from the isle of Dutch. Jake Boersma is known around the southern hemisphere for his ability to kill a deer from over 300 yards away using only a hammer and a toothpick. Formerly a stellar athlete, Mr. Boersma had to hang up his cleats after being banned for receiving multiple concussions. He’s still good at sports, he just doesn’t remember it. He also doesn’t remember his own mother’s birthday. He might even win tonight, but if he does, he won’t remember it. To the man who might forget us, but the one we’ll never forget, give it up for Jake Boersma.

6. Zach Leicht
Ladies and Gentlemen, we now present the President of Young Life, Mr. Zachary Lafawnda Leicht. He didn’t dye his hair for the Christmas season, nope, you’re looking at one all nat-u-ral ginger. If your world seems dark, he can be your Bright Leicht. If he were a bee that could fly for 365 days, he’d be your Buzz Leicht Year. Don’t vote for him because he’s beautiful, vote for him because he’s environmentally friendly, the only halogen light in the competition. A vote for Ginger is a vote for you.

7. David Needham
A certified mixed martial arts ninja, David Needham wouldn’t hurt a fly, even though he could. He drives an elephant to school and once saw a fly on that elephant’s nose. Did he kill it? Of course not, but he did pet it. He’s a human walkie talkie, a one man beat box show. He can catch food flying across the school cafeteria, with his mouth. He can catch a sunburn walking from the cafeteria to his car. He might be albino, but albino trees have feelings too. Let’s show our love for this gentle warrior, Mr. David Needham.

8. Christian Goudy
Is that John Mayer? Wait, Jack Johnson? Could that be Justin Bieber himself?  Almost, but so so much better.  Ladies and gentlemen, that’s none other than Mr. Christian Goudy.  He can strum a ukulele, he can strum a guitar, but most importantly, he can strum our heart strings. But there’s also another side to this tender man, for he’s the only one in our competition who gets paid to shoot guns. He turned 18 yesterday and is now a legal man, but maybe tonight’s the night he becomes a legal tree?

9. Ben Dyer
Ladies and Gentlemen, up next is Mr. Ben Dyer. Not a lot to say about him because he’s just awkward.

10. Christian Stanford
You may recognize him as the Sexy Sax Man, let’s welcome our next contestant, Mr. Christian Stanford.  With the largest chest in our competition, Mr. Stanford is rumored to be able to do over 2000 pushups in under a minute. He holds a black belt in kickboxing and a wears a brown belt with khakis. He doesn’t drive a truck, he doesn’t drive a prius, he actually doesn’t even drive, but who needs to drive when your chest is inflated with helium?  Now lets give a round of applause to Stan the man.

11. Brandon Dusenberry
Dingles, Dusey, Dingleberry, Dusendingle, dinglehopper, whatever you call him, you know you love him. Mr. Brandon Dusenberry is a man with a passion for shredding gnar. Give him anything that moves, he’ll shred it. Longboards…shreds gnar.  Snowboards…shreds gnar. Wake boards…you guessed it, he shreds gnar. He’s so gnarly that he even has a diseased known as gnar-colepsy, allowing him to fall asleep while standing in the shower. Everyone take your right hand, make a fist, raise it, and open just your thumb and pinky finger. In honor Mr. Dingleberry, together, please yell the phrase ‘gnar-wall.’

12. Brian Murray
The competition just went international as Mr. Brian Murray flutters towards the stage. All the way from Paraguay, our Latin Lover is known for his unparalleled dancing ability. Él puede fox trot, el cormorán moñudo puede, puede boxear paso, puede cuadrar baile. Sentirse cansado? o simplemente dejar que el señor Murray le recogerá y gire a tu alrededor, Brian Murray, el Latin Lover.

13. Peter Bedrosian
Mr. Bedrock himself, Peter Bedrosian, interrupted his intense workout regiment to be here tonight, solely because he would like to add the title of ‘Mr. Christmas Tree’ to his extensive resume.  In addition to being able to out-debate VP Joe Biden, Mr. bedrosian can power cling a young calf. He’s pretty sure he’s a libra, and almost positive that he doesn’t use gel to hold that perfect perm. He’s not Clark Kent, although you’ve probably seen him in a speedo, but he does drive the Silver Surfer. Let’s all rub our abs in unison and realize they’ll never be quite as ripped as those of Peter Bedrosian.

14. Cole Anderson
The son of George and Gayleen, Mr. Cole Anderson, comes to us from the northWest coast of the lower continental united states. You might think, that’s just the guy who scoops my ice cream, but you’d be sorely mistaken, because he doesn't scoop ice cream, he scoops custard.  The tallest contestant in our competition is ready to stake his claim as Mr. Christmas Tree.  He is #89 and knows the rules and regulations of the game. Give it up for Mr. Anderson.

15. Gavin Rofail
You’ve heard the phrase, walk like an Egyptian, well you’re watchin it happen before your very eyes. Gavin Rofail can climb a tree faster than a speeding squirrel. He can kick a pigskin at least a quarter mile, I once saw him boot one over them there mountains. He loves to wear a Superman costume, to stare danger in eye. Fear, he has none. Headbands, he has a few. Mr. Christmas Tree winner crowns and sashes, maybe he’ll get his first tonight.

16. Paul Davidson
Last, but certainly not least, is the producer himself, Mr. Paul Davidson. Does he wear polo? Does he wear vineyard vines? Does he wear bow ties? Does he drive a caddy? Does he vote democratic?  These things don’t matter, but what does matter is the fact that Mr. Davidson can waka flaka better than you can. What matters is that he doesn’t need to ever wear pants because his leg hair rivals that of a bear. You know him. You love him. You wish you were him. To the man who keeps the beat every Monday night, let’s show him how our hearts beat for him. Mr. Paul Davidson.

What Mr. Christmas Tree ideas can you share? Please comment below!  

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