Monday, July 18, 2011

I Lost Control

Three weeks ago
I had a lot of
control.

I worked hard to get my high school friends on that bus to camp. With enough persuasion and nagging, I could
control who went, to some extent.

I busted my tail to help them raise thousands of dollars. With enough begging, weed-pulling, and carwashing I could
control if they got the money they needed, to some extent.

I did bus program, rubbed mud on my face at the obstacle course, served them breakfast in bed, ate last at meals, slept on the floor, played 104 holes of fris golf, and even jumped off that freakin' frightnin' Quantum Leap. With enough effort, sacrifice, and false humility, I could
control if they had the best week of their lives, to some extent.

And then...during that 15 minutes of silence,
it hit me, like the fat kid belly-flopping during pool olympics.

I can't
control
what happens now.

As much as I wanted to reach into their hearts and squeeze them to Life,
only God could do that.
As much as I wanted to open their eyes to make them see the Truth,
only God could do that.
As much as I wanted to convince them that they are Loved,
only God could do that.

I had come to the end of my control rope, and had to let go. So during cabin time, we asked the traditional question, "What did you do during your 15 minutes?"

I told the guys that I lost control.

6 comments:

  1. This is so incredibly beautiful. And honest. Thank you for posting!

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  2. Thanks for the encouragement. I'm still trying to figure out the balance between effort and faith, how to work hard for the gospel to be clear, yet how to be open handed enough to trust God more than myself. I'm sure it will be a lifelong struggle.

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  4. I know its a year after, but I will keep this in mind at woodleaf! Thank God for him giving you this realization!

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  5. I know its a year after, but I will keep this in mind at woodleaf! Thank God for him giving you this realization!

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